Fantasy Basketball Etiquette
Good Fantasy Basketball Behavior
There are three types of fantasy basketball managers. Each has his ups and downs. Each has something to learn from the other two. Understanding the three types of players will make you a fantasy basketball etiquette expert.
The Fantasy Basketball Pro
The fantasy basketball pro stalks every fantasy basketball site on the Internet, patiently waiting for the fantasy basketball leagues to open up. Fantasy basketball is his life. His job, family, and friends are diversions for between games.
The pro participates in dozens of mock drafts. The pro spends all of June, July, and August doing basketball research. The pro buys every fantasy magazine available at bookstores, subscribes to all sorts of fantasy websites, and stalks his favorite fantasy basketball writers.
The fantasy basketball pro watches reruns of preseason and last season games on cable networks in order to scout for sleepers.
He picks up the stud power forward's backup after he's injured, and he immediately earns all kinds of points off this previously unknown backup.
The fantasy basketball pro always ends up at the top of your fantasy league, but his obsession with statistics and advice means he doesn't know how to follow his gut. He won't win many championships.
How do you deal with The Fantasy Basketball Pro?
The fantasy pro means well. He wants to dominate in the league, and he wants to make his fantasy roster decisions based on hard facts. If you've got a Pro in your league, let him be. Don't chastise him. Let his faith in mathematic sink his ship.
If you're the pro, then start making emotional moves. Draft your favorite players. Make trades that sound good regardless of their value. Try to have fun for a change.
The Fantasy Basketball Bystander
The Fantasy Basketball Bystander makes for hard fantasy basketball etiquette decisions. He signs up for one fantasy basketball league, and he might or might not pick up a fantasy magazine to prepare for the draft. He won't even make a cheatsheet or run a mock draft. He'll just pick the next available guy on some magazine's best available list.
The Bystander loves basketball. He's knowledgeable about basketball and the NBA. He's interested in fantasy basketball. But he isn't obsessed enough.
The Bystander is the opposite of the fantasy Pro.
The Bystander doesn't break a sweat if he ghost ships his way through a week of the NBA season, and he may be just fine losing more than a few head to head matchups.
Inexplicably, the Bystander has great luck, and he wins more league championships than any other type of manager. For whatever reason, his wishy washy approach to fantasy basketball is successful.
The Bystander catches a lucky draft position. He makes accidentally brilliant sleeper picks. While the Fantasy Pro knows who to pick and researches his backup roster, the Bystander stumbles his way into genius.
The Bystander watches one or two games a week (usually only his favorite team, most likely the Lakers or the Celtics). He checks box scores on weekends to see how his players are doing. When one of his starting guys has a down week, he laughs it off.
The Bystander will be successful, and it will drive everyone crazy.
The only way to deal with the Bystander is to let him be who he is. He plays fantasy basketball because he likes the game. He loves casual competition. He wants to socialize.
If you read the description of the Bystander and recognized yourself, have no fear. You've done nothing wrong.
Just remember that some fantasy basketball player live and die by this game, and be prepared to laugh off their teasing.
The Fantasy Basketball Gooch
The Fantasy Basketball Gooch is the bully. Everyone your fantasy league hates the Gooch.
The Gooch will give you the most difficulty in terms of fantasy basketball etiquette.
The Gooch plays fantasy sports to ridicule and bully other managers, and he loves aggravating the Bystanders of the fantasy basketball world.
The Gooch joins as many fantasy leagues as he can find that will have him. He's run through so many fantasy friends that no one wants to be around him. He jumps from league to league until maybe, just maybe, he gets put in his place.
Some Gooches don't even enjoy basketball. He plays fantasy basketball for the same reason he played dodgeball in high school. He wants to look tough, and he wants to beat up on weaklings.
Win lose, without proper fantasy basketball etiquette intervention, The Fantasy Basketball Gooch will always be a Gooch. How do you handle him?
Ignoring a Gooch is one way to take the starch out of his shirt. Building an awesome fantasy basketball roster and crushing the Gooches of your league week after week is another great way to handle him. If he has nothing to brag about, he'll soon lose interest and move on to some other form of bullying.
If you're a Gooch, then please go play fantasy NASCAR or something. Better--learn some manners. Don't wake up 70 years old, friendless and angry, with nothing to show for your fantasy basketball career but a collection of ruined friendships and a bad reputation.
Finally
If you realize which category the other players in your league fall into, and deal with them accordingly, you'll make sure everyone has fun playing fantasy basketball. And that's the whole point to fantasy basketball etiquette anyway.
Have fun, and watch out for the Gooch.