Fantasy Football Definition of "Gooch"

A "gooch" is a fantasy football bully, named for the fictional schoolyard bully who tormented Arnold Drummond on a popular sitcom of another generation, Diff'rent Strokes. Arnold occasionally mentioned "The Gooch" as the terror of his school, though the character never actually appeared on an episode. A "fantasy football Gooch" is an ff owner who similarly wreaks havoc in his local league, especially at your fantasy football draft.

During your fantasy football draft, the gooch likes to make comments on everyone else's selections. Comments range from the snarky "so-and-so takes the BACKUP in Denver" to those insulting the draft abilities of everyone else in the room. He might ask if a player "got hurt" before drafting him, as if he can't believe no one has taken the player. Or he might ask if that player is still on the board, knowing that he is, implying that no one knows what they're doing leaving that player undrafted. One gooch I know of would bring a bullhorn to the draft and, when someone made a pick he didn't like, would use the bullhorn to call them a "dumbass".

While this latter example was actually pretty funny, most draft day stunts pulled by the gooch can make the draft less enjoyable, and makes everyone involved want to beat the gooch the week they play. The gooch's bravado and braggadocio often can mask their own inadequacies, the fantasy football gooch is not necessarily one of the best players in the league and their team will go down in flames more times than not.

Gooch Acts

Here are some things a gooch might do at your draft or during your fantasy football season.

  • Badgering players about making their picks on time, then wanting extra time when their draft slot comes.
  • Making fun of a draft pick.
  • Asking someone who just drafted someone if they know that player is injured. This injury is minor, because the gooch wouldn't give away valuable information.
  • Berate players who make the gooch a trade offer they don't like.
  • Make insulting, one-sided trade offers themselves, then get offended when the person declines the offer.
  • Complain when two other teams make a trade not involving the gooch and claiming he made a better trade offer to one of the teams last week.
  • Calling another player at the house or at work, instead of making trade offers online.

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